Last night, I was totally psyched about getting in to an advanced screening of the new horror movie Us, but I was late, and all the seats were filled. Denied!
As I walked away from the full auditorium of people who were already enjoying what I think is going to turn out to be a very good movie that I want to see real bad, I communicated my elementary failure in reporting to my editor, and he replied “Now you have a mood from which to write the Gilbert O’Sullivan item,” which I had mentioned as being the world’s most depressing song.
In a little while from now
If I’m not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top
Will throw myself off
In an effort to
Make it clear to whoever
Wants to know what it’s like When you’re shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Were people saying, My God, that’s tough
She stood him up
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally
This gentleman is contemplating suicide, as a “treat,” because he got ghosted at the altar for holy matrimony.
To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn’t do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about, God in His mercy
Oh, if he really does exist
Why did he desert me
In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally
There’s an entire Internet of misunderstood song lyrics, and for my entire life, until today, I thought this part of the song meant he was going to be performing in a play and the allergies came around and he was too sick to be in the play. But now I realize he is still referring to the reality of his non-wedding incident, and now the singer questions the existence of G_d while comparing himself to Jesus Christ, who is described uttering something similar, under considerably more trying circumstances, to wit, being nailed up onto a wooden cross to hang until death:
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
I took a look at Genius dot com on the outside chance somebody did a breakdown on this song, and there is one, but the “allergies” part I had slurred hearing about is not annotated beyond saying that the singer is way bummed out, so I’m going to advance the argument that he thinks he is Jesus, which means he’s suffering from mental illness, which reinforces how sad this goddamn song is. Also, even my misapprehension of the lyrics reinforces the sadness of this song, my imaginary episode featuring Gilbert excited about being in a play and then getting sick and losing out to an understudy.
It seems to me that
There are more hearts broken in the world
That can’t be mended
Left unattended
What do we do
What do we do
Alone again, naturally
He has completely given up, the story arc is flat, there is no deviation from the despair, there is no hope.
Here are some selected hits from the Billboard Hot 100 chart from 1972, the year “Alone Again (Naturally)” made it to No. 1 on the weekly charts and No. 2 overall:
“American Pie,” a song about Buddy “the music” Holly, dying, and Mick Jagger pleasing Satan.
“Without You,” a song about a breakup and how the singer can’t live now.
“Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast,” a song about a child begging their father to not get a divorce. We all know how that works.
“Baby, Don’t Get Hooked on Me,” an asshole telling a girl to “keep it friendly” because he “can’t take no clinging vine.”
“Brandy,” Same thing except dude gets on a boat to ditch her.
“Heart of Gold,” Neil Young singing about an old man running out of time. Death!
“Song Sung Blue,” Neil Diamond telling us that singing a sad song can make you happy, but that ain’t this song.
“Everybody Plays the Fool,” a fatalistic song about being in love. Fatalistic. Love.
“Drowning in the Sea of Love,” Joe Tex has been down one time, he’s been down two times, and now he’s crying and doesn’t care any more.
“Doctor My Eyes,” a song about an American becoming numb to the recent past, which in 1972 means war and brutality.
“Don’t Say You Don’t Remember,” Beverly Bremers realizes the person who said “forever” is now claiming memory loss, so she’s feeling suicidal.
“Taxi,” A stoner cab driver meets an old girlfriend who overtips him so she can get the hell out of the cab.
“Freddie’s Dead,” he was a junkie, and now he’s dead, wow.
“Hurting Each Other,” Karen Carpenter sings about it, and it’s the downer-relationship hurting, not the consenting adult recreational safe-word hurting.
“A Horse With No Name,” Forget allusions to heroin, at face value, this guy goes out in the desert, his skin turns red and his horse runs away.
“(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right,” terrific, great decision.
“Back Stabbers,” The O’Jays tell us it’s a mean old world, trust zero people.
“Sylvia’s Mother,” Dr. Hook talks to his ex-girlfriend’s mother and can’t afford to keep the connection open on the circa 1972 payphone.
“In the Rain,” the singer goes outside into a storm so you can’t see the tears streaming down his face.
“Sunshine,” a guy is so bummed out he wants the sun to go away.
“Slippin’ Into Darkness,” WAR sings about how pretty soon they’re gonna pay for the darkness they have been experiencing.
Do you see this? 1972! Darkness, sun, rain, it’s all depressing!
“Ben,” Michael Jackson singing about a goddamn rat.
Nobody’s saying that many of these songs are not really good songs, but they are all soaked in pathos, and even the No.1 hit from that year, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face,” is a downer.
Now back to Gilbert O. for the wrap-up:
Looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul
Couldn’t understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start
With a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
This song kills his dad, and then kills his heartbroken mom, leaving Gilbert alone, again, (naturally), Jesus Christ.
Argument: This is the most depressing song in the whole world, and you should never listen to it.
