Wildly successful comedian Kevin Hart got called out prior to his scheduled gig hosting the upcoming 91st Academy Awards ceremony on account of some offensive tweets. Mr. Hart apologized and agreed that he would not host.
In an emergency skull session on the Hmm Daily Emergency Hollywood Problems Slack thread, the greatest minds on that thread at that moment searched for a replacement. The below has been visually edited for coherency, redacting discursive comments about coffee and the article in The New Yorker about the fires in Kansas:
Bingo! No one could better embody the spirit of the Academy Awards ceremony than an embodiment of Oscar, Himself. He is iconic and popular and shines brilliantly under the lights. No one can ask “Is Oscar the right fit for the Oscars?” like they did with David Letterman—he’s Oscar!
Let the greatest minds in Hollywood combine on a Manhattan Project to free the Oscar statuette from its pedestal. Let this artificial being achieve full physical presence as a pop-star projection and/or a robot as suits the purpose, loaded with an opening monologue full of self-deprecating remarks about its artificial state of being. The fully articulated A.I. Oscar would be able to participate in all the corny dance numbers and would have a perfectly tuned singing voice. Best of all, it would have no inner-directed life outside of performing, so it will be unable to fuck up and get fired from the gig.