The Wizznutzz—the first and only valid basketbloggers, the erratic, oracular, platform-and-orthography-agnostic chroniclers of the entropic folly of Washington Wizards—were inspired last night. It has been an inspiring season for the Wizznutzz, in that the Wizards have transformed from last year’s unremarkable low-end playoff team into a full-on catastrophe, a roster putting all of its effort into tearing itself apart as dramatically as possible and no effort into playing basketball. Also Dwight Howard, the faded and generally unwanted star center they signed in the offseason, has been repeatedly unable to play because of an injured gluteus.
In response to the spectacle of this collapsing circus tent, the Wizznutzz offered a long and intermittently broken Twitter thread of rigorous class-based criticism about how an exclusionary consumer culture punishes sports fans. In Wizznutzz terms: “been thinkin about nature of sprots & how only peop;le with $$$ can adequate follow a team.”
They went on:
theres this romantical notion ov sports fans bein workin class people who liv & die w/ they local team, givin televised thrills to end the 9 to 5 w/ a sense of thrills & adventure thru the sports they love, that they may hav played themselves.
but if ur 1999 income is the same as ur 2018 income — guilty!!!! — u outta luck. the only free sprots now are the NFL & golf, which interest we as much as a head injury, (shoutout concussion prototcols!!!)
And on, and on, through the spike in pickup truck prices and the Washington Capitals’ decision to underpay their Stanley Cup–winning coach and a two-decade-old grievance about the price of “executive nachos” at Wizards games:
sports are a narcotic. they are innoculates for pain ov real life. unless u cant afford the tranquilizers. then they jus taxes on ur soul, acquired thru internet backchannels & AM radio.
At some point, a whole separate coda-thread fell off the original one, but the focus held:
one ov we work in public service. 1/4 ov people who enter doors at 9am do not hav a computer/ job/income. but they wearing Red Wings hoodies & Pistons hats. we helpd dude today in a teal Pistons lid get signed up to http://Chess.com . When do he get in2 Lil Cesears Arena?
The Wizards beat the Houston Rockets in overtime, 135-131, for their third win in their past four games.