The TV Treasures auction happening Dec. 1 at Prop Store Ltd. of London and Los Angeles, fills me with covetousness, because I have always wanted a small wearable piece of Television, and to score some weird overlooked costume at an auction would be extra sweet. I went to a viewing of the lots at a big Star Trek auction once and found something in the printed catalog I wanted to bid on because I thought I could rock it, a medical tunic worn by space-doctor McCoy, but actors in TV and movies tend to be not too tall and not too wide, so the gear I found that looked like what I wanted was all way too small for me. Any time an auction like this comes along, I will pore over the catalog, go over every lot, in a search for my auction-whale, and now I have a few highlights for you, along with some questions!
This is from an episode of the The X-Files I never saw, and the item description fills me with regret. How have I never viewed an X-File with an Alien Bounty Hunter who wears a bee blazer? Aieee!
IS THIS PEAK COFFIN?
Also is it a real coffin or just a prop coffin? Are there rules against getting buried in a prop coffin, after you are dead? You could sleep in it maybe? Forever?
ROSEANNE BARR COSTUME-COSTUME
Is this item from an original ’80s Roseanne show Halloween Episode going to be worth more or less, now that Roseanne is worth less? Do you think somebody rich might buy it and then hire Ms. Barr to wear it and be a dummy?
SHATNER, CHITON, AND BALDRIC
The day I started scrolling the TV Treasures auction site was the day I learned about a chiton, not to mention an baldric. “Production-worn,” means this well-preserved garment might contain Shatner-sweat! Maybe this is the item that will provide enough DNA scrapings for my Top Secret Shatner Park project! Also, Chiton & Baldric would be a good name for a Time-Traveling Detective series set in ancient Greece, starring twin clones of Wm. Shatner™.
The costume is from William Ware Theiss, who designed the costumes for Star Trek and there are many lots of costumes and sketches for the show from the man who postulated the Theiss Titillation Theory, to wit: “The degree to which a costume is considered sexy is directly proportional to how accident-prone it appears to be.”
NIGHT GALLERY ART AS PROPS OR PROP ART?
Night Gallery was an anthology of tales of the macabre, from a dimension close enough to The Twilight Zone that it was even hosted by Rod Serling, who would hoove cigs on camera as he opened each segment by showing off a creepy painting on display in the, er, Night Gallery. Are these of value as art or artifact?
Speaking of smoking, many of the items from the BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY section look like they could go on to a second life in the 21st Century as legit vape gear.
EGG-SCAPE FROM NEW MORK!
This prop served as the dystopian-futuristic escape pod for the President of the United States in John Carpenter’s original Escape From New York, and then some thrifty TV prop-master gave this egg new life as the interplanetary space craft for the “Mork from Ork” character on television’s Mork & Mindy. Robin Williams schticked here!
KNOW YOUR ENEMY
Here’s an alien propaganda poster from the original V series. “In the series, the Visitors are a race of invasive reptilian Aliens, intent on harvesting humans for meat and slave labor,” so things were pretty much the way they are right now.
Is it just me, or are you also seeing more inhalation possibilities from these items created for Mel Brooks spy-spoof TV series Get Smart? I bet there are a lotta old heads who will move decisively on that Cone of Silence! The gag never gets old, especially if you can Volcano-vaporize that rig full of Secret Agent 420.
THE BIG BAT-CHILADA
It’s been fun and games so far here at the TV Treasures Auction, but now we’re getting serious. I don’t have the finances to bid on this one, but as your personal Auction Advisor, I urge you to break out the bitcoins for our next item, which I believe will be the most important thing auctioned here on gavel day. The BAT SHIELD!
There’s no way there’s more than one of these. Why would there be? There’s like, dozens of Batmobiles, but there’s only one bulletproof acrylic BAT SHIELD! It’s not really bulletproof, though, it’s a prop, no such thing as Bat Man.
YO MISTER WHITE
There’s also an opportunity to score some meth, some prop meth, of course, the renowned Blue Sky brand of meth from AMC’s smash hit Breaking Bad. If you found the right sucker you could turn that $3,000 investment into some serious police charges and death threats from disappointed real meth users!
TOM BOSLEY SPACESUIT!
Movie and TV actors tend to be small, but I figured this Tom Bosley (most famous as the dad on Happy Days) item might be worth a low-bid shot, since he always looked like he was on the portly side, and the cut of this suit is baggy, I’m 6’1″ but maybe I can make it work.
Then I looked up his height, dammit. No bid!