Someday (this knowledge haunts me) there will come a day when I see a person out in public with the white plastic spurs of Apple’s wireless earbuds sticking ridiculously out from their ears, like abandoned Q-tips, and the only thing I will think is, “Oh, Apple earbuds.” The AirPods will look as dumb as they have ever looked, but I will have lost my ability to see it, the same way I had to stop noticing how NFL players in monochrome jersey-pants combos look like toddlers running around in baby jammies, or how drivers look lost and helpless when they’re engulfed by their bloated SUVs, or how every flat surface in the world is a video screen blasting an unwanted ad at you.
This is how we sink into dystopia, as the sheer saturation of insultingly bad things dissolves the tissue of meaning and standards. It is miraculous that Google Glass got chased out of the public sphere, before we all allowed our expectations to incorporate endless creepshotting by spaced-out dorks with computers on their faces, but I won’t bet on it staying out. Boston Red Sox fans thought they got rid of Wally the Green Monster, too, but it’s hard to beat crud and money in the waiting game.
For now, though, you all still look like idiots.
